How to get your life in balance without giving anything up

Stress is an everyday occurrence, but not all stress is motivating. For some, poor stress management or not taking steps to prevent and minimise stress can lead to depression and illness including heart disease, anxiety, backache and migraines.

Burnout, chronic fatigue and other stress-related illnesses are increasingly common. According to psychologists, people are ten times more likely to be depressed today than in their grandparents’ generation. It is estimated that one in five people will experience depression during their lifetime, with women twice as likely to experience depression as men. With statistics like these, it is no wonder that stress management consultancy and life coaching have increased in popularity.

Coupled with changes in Occupational Safety and Health legislation which place the cost of stress related illness in the workplace squarely at the door of the employer, it is vital that individuals and organisations take a proactive approach to stress prevention and minimisation.

This is an extract from my book The Art of Calm: Freedom from Stress & Worry, which I wrote after dealing with stress-related illness, burnout and mental health problems. It is intended to provide helpful advice on stress prevention and management and introduces the Life Balance Journal, a new and innovative stress prevention tool that I have devised to help me keep my life in balance.

Used on a daily basis the Life Balance Journal can help you achieve the work/life balance you have been striving to achieve, without making sacrifices.

The four categories in the Life Balance Journal - diet, recreation, nurturing and relaxation - are each given equal weighting. The idea is to review the form each night and tick the boxes that apply to your day’s activities. For those of you who self-medicate with energy drinks or caffeine to pep you up, or alcohol to calm you after a long day’s work there is an incentive to make healthy changes in the diet section.

In a stressful day, lack of laughter, friendship and connecting with others at a deep level can leave a gap in your soul. In addition to providing helpful hormones that combat stress and encourage a sense of well-being, time spent with others will give you a chance to share thoughts and feelings and taking time out for fun. Ticking off items in your ‘To Do’ list can be satisfying but may lack the enrichment that your heart yearns for.

And what about your favourite hobbies? When was the last time you indulged your passions? Think about what you have enjoyed doing in the past, be it horse riding, reading a good book, dancing, tennis or sailing. Is it a week, a month or a year since you let loose and did something just for you? By getting a taste of your favourite hobbies on a weekly basis you will be taking an important step towards stress minimisation or even prevention.

The ‘Guilt-Free Leisure Day’ falls into the same category. How often do you go away on holiday with bags packed full of business journals you’ve been meaning to read, your laptop under one arm and your business plan under the other? Holidays can be a great chance to think about what’s important and it’s natural that your career will be part of it. But time out is important too. You need to commit to giving yourself one day a week to refresh yourself by taking a complete break from anything work related – without guilt!

It takes time to make changes so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get immediate results. Instead, pick one of the four key areas – diet, exercise/recreation, nurturing, relaxation – and choose an activity to focus on. In the first week you may want to concentrate on increasing the amount of laughter in your life. Once you feel you are on top of this you could look at introducing more fresh fruit and vegetables into your diet.

You can also give yourself an overall rating by circling the stress level indicator that best fits your day. A smiling face means you’ve coped well. It may have been a difficult day but you felt you were on top of things and managed stress to the best of your abilities. A sad face indicates that you felt overwhelmed by the day’s events and struggled to cope. Somewhere in between says the day had its moments and a few challenges that may have caused difficulties but overall you feel you did okay.

By keeping all your old Life Balance Journal records you will be able to check your progress and notice improvements in your relationships, your health and your mental well-being.

Click on the images to see the full journal. For anyone wondering what the images are on the second page - they are a happy face, a neutral face and a sad face. Tracking your mood can help you identify trends and correlate them to the four different sections of your life balance journal.

Evaluating Your Life Balance Journal

Don’t panic if you get a low score. The first week I recorded my activities I only scored 12 out of 100, and this was mainly because I don’t drink tea or coffee.

The diary does not measure stress. Instead, it identifies the degree to which you are taking actions to minimise stress on an ongoing basis. It also gives you a read-out on how balanced your life is by showing four segments where you need to undertake regular activity each week.
Take the total for each week and insert it into a chart to plot your progress. It doesn’t matter where you start – even if it is at zero – or if you occasionally go backwards, so long as the long-term trend is an improvement. You’ll find it worthwhile to keep doing this exercise every day, even if you feel you are handling stresses well.


The ratings give you a chance to plot your progress and measure your success in getting your life in order.

An extract from The Art of Calm: Freedom from Stress & Worry

Just enough brains to make ourselves sick

Why do humans and their primate cousins get more stress-related diseases than any other member of the animal kingdom?

The answer, says Stanford University neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky, is that people, apes and monkeys are highly intelligent, social creatures with far too much spare time on their hands.

Primates are super smart and organized just enough to devote their free time to being miserable to each other and stressing each other out.

All vertebrates respond to stressful situations by releasing hormones, such as adrenalin and glucocorticoids, which instantaneously increase the animal's heart rate and energy level. "The stress response is incredibly ancient evolutionarily," Sapolsky said. "Fish, birds and reptiles secrete the same stress hormones we do, yet their metabolism doesn't get messed up the way it does in people and other primates."

He also cited new studies suggesting that chronic stress causes DNA to age faster.

According to Sapolsky, happiness and self-esteem are important factors in reducing stress. Read more here

Your Mood Dicates the Foods You Eat

According to Drs Roizen and Oz in their book YOU on a Diet the foods we choose may be an indicator of our mood.

They suggest that your mood affects the texture and taste of the foods that you choose.

For example, stressed adrenal glads could be sending salt-craving
signals

Angry - tough (e.g. meat), hard or crunchy foods
Depressed - sugary food
Anxious - soft and sweet foods, such as ice cream
Stressed - salty foods
Lonely, sexually frustrated - bulky, fill you up foods, like crackers and pasta
Jealous - anything and everything

Those moods and foods don't match with my own experiences - in times of anger or frustration I am more likely to want something liquid that I can consume quickly. How does the analysis fit with your moods?

Dr Wansink has a slightly different take on mood foods. In a 2003 study his team found that America's favourite comfort foods are:

1. Potato chips (23%)

2. Ice cream (14%)
3. Cookies (12%)
4. Chocolate (11%)
5. Pizza or Pasta (11%)
6. Steak/Burgers (9%)
7. Casseroles (9%)
8. Soup (7%)
9. Vegetables (4%)
10. Salad (3%)

A Good Night's Sleep

After more than 25 years of insomnia I've read my share of books on sleep and this is by far the best. Good Night: The Sleep Doctor's 4-Week Program to Better Sleep and Better Health by Dr Michael Breus is more than a fix for insomnia. The book also emphasises the importance of sleep to health, beauty, your sex life and your mood. A study using the Day Reconstruction Method found that

an extra hour of sleep had more on an impact on how participants felt throughout the day than earning more money.

I only have to think how I’m feeling today to acknowledge the truth of that statement. Last night my dogs barked at 1am and again at 1:30am and 2:30am. The result? This morning I am unaccountably irritable and clumsy. I don’t seem to be able to concentrate and find myself dropping things and getting frustrated at the smallest things. Unfortunately this isn’t a one-off problem. I’ve had years of poor quality sleep and have been really looking forward to putting into practise Dr Mike’s recommendations for a good night’s kip.

The book starts with a comprehensive guide to sleep hygiene which includes everything from choosing the best mattress, to sound proofing your room, developing good bedtime habits and understanding your own issues. I had already put in place a number of changes to help me with my sleep. I shut the bedroom door to keep four legged critters from disturbing my sleep.

I try to go to bed at the same time each night. Did you notice the word try? Unfortunately I keep trying to fit in extra things at night and find my bedtime running past my planned time. That’s where Dr Mike’s power-down hour comes in. He suggests devoting an hour each night to relaxing activities that won’t stimulate your mind and body as well as the little things that have to be done each night; letting the pets out to go to the toilet, brushing your teeth or tidying away your meal.

The book is full of handy quizzes that help you identify problem areas and provides comprehensive solutions for you to address these issues and get a good night's sleep. After 25 years of reading everything I can lay my hands on I thought I had a pretty good handle on sleep but Dr Mike introduces a lot of facts and information that were new to me. It had never occurred to me that sleep cycles might change according to menstruation. In my case I feel that my sleep is uniformly bad, but I will be keeping a diary over the next 28 days in the hope of uncovering new patterns to my insomnia.

If you're impatient (like I was) to jump into the four week program you can start that immediately but I would strongly recommend reading the preceding chapters so you can eliminate problems from light, noise, pets, uncomfortable pillows and the like.

Good Night covers all the basics of getting a good night sleep, including recommendations on snacks to help you get to sleep (unfortunately a nightcap of your favourite brandy is not on the list of sleep recommendations) and ideas for decorating your room to minimise distractions..

The book distinguishes between disordered sleeping and sleep disorders covering off the common sleep disorders and how they are diagnosed. I have experienced both initial insomnia (trouble falling asleep) as well as disturbed and poor quality sleep including frequent waking during the night (middle insomnia). These fall into the category of disordered sleeping.

The pros and cons of various remedies including sleeping pills and alternative remedies are also covered. This book is primarily aimed at non-pharmacological sleep solutions that you can manage in your own home.

For anyone interested in weight loss or wanting to look younger or remove those black circles under the eyes, Good Night tells you why sleep might be interfering with your energy, appetite and appearance as well as providing guidelines to look and feel younger healthier and slimmer. What could be better?

Resources
If you’re having trouble sleeping I recommend you check out the following resources

Sound Sleep Solutions
has a questionnaire to help you identify sleep problems. In addition there are action plans to address problems with insomnia, narcolepsy, restless legs or sleep apnoea as well as articles and tips on sleep.

Sleep Discovery Center
Follows the journey of a sleep deprived journalist through his consultations with sleep specialists and a sleep study – entertaining and informative.

Sleep Yourself Slim

In his book, Good Night: The Sleep Doctor's 4-Week Program to Better Sleep and Better Health, Dr Michael Breus describes how sleep affects appetite by affecting the appetite triggering hormone ghrelin and it's counterpart leptin, an appetite suppressant.

His conclusion?

The more you sleep, the better your body can regulate the chemicals that control hunger and appetite

In short, getting more sleep makes it easier to lose weight. Dr Breus sums it up in the following equation:


Sleep Deprivation (or inadequate sleep) leads to
increased appetite and decreased metabolism

An excerpt from his book explains the mechanism:
The two digestive hormones that hold the remote control to your feelings of hunger and appetite are ghrelin and leptin. As with many hormones, these two are paired together but have opposing functions. One gives the green light that says Go and the other emits the red light that says Stop. Ghrelin (your “Go” hormone) gets secreted by the stomach when it’s empty and increases your appetite. It sends a message to your brain that says, “I’m hungry. Feed me.” When your stomach is full, the other hormone—leptin—sends your brain the message that says “Stop eating. I’m done.” You can thank your fat cells for sending leptin out, allowing you to push away from the table. So how do these hormones tie into sleep?

Inadequate sleep creates an imbalance of both ghrelin and leptin. One study at the University of Chicago in 2004 showed that when people were allowed just four hours of sleep a night for two nights, they suffered a 20 percent drop in leptin and an increase in ghrelin. These sleep-deprived participants had a 24 percent increase in hunger and a 23 percent increase in appetite. Hunger is the feeling of wanting to eat and your appetite is the physical need to eat until full. (Think of hunger as the sensation that precedes eating.) If your brain isn’t getting the message that you are full, you keep eating and eating and eating.

Reproduced with permission from A Good Night's Sleep: The Sleep Doctor's 4-Week Program to Better Sleep and Better Health


Drs Roizen and Oz make a similar point about leptin and ghrelin in their book YOU on a Diet. In addition they suggest that lack of sleep may trigger appetite for sugary foods by not secreting the normal amounts of feel good chemicals serotonin and dopamine and that inadequate sleep also increases levels of neuropeptide Y which decreases metabolism and increases appetite.

Dr Breus explains that serotonin, the pleasure hormone, benefits from adequate sleep

Inadequate sleep translates to less of this critical hormone getting release in the brain, and to compensate, you'll gravitate to foods with sugar (comfort foods).

I can definitely relate to that. After a bad night's sleep I feel grumpy, lethargic and my mood is flat, and I go searching for carbs to boost my mood - anything from buttery toast, to extra fruit, muesli bars or a quick dip into the cookie jar. When you're feeling grumpy you're grateful for anything that can help you feel less irritated.

Research to limit mental fatigue among soldiers may foster controversial ways to enhance any person's brain

The military wants to juice up personnel's brains because the human being is the weakest instrument of warfare.

The air force is considering alternatives to amphetamines, in particular a medication that has also gained the attention of long-distance business travelers: modafinil. Marketed as Provigil, it was approved by the Food and Drug Administration in 1998 to treat narcolepsy and to help control sleep disorders associated with diseases such as Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and multiple sclerosis.

The military are also considering a number of other options to enhance performance including DNA testing for a fear gene with a view to genetic modification.

Mothers, students and busy executives are already using Ritalin to pep up their lives and it seems likely that emerging techniques and drugs may have future applications for anyone feeling fatigued or in need of a boost to get more done. Read more at Scientific American

CEOs dumb when it comes to Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has often been touted as being more important than traditional intelligence (IQ). According to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves our Emotional Intelligence scores determine much of our success in life. But, don't panic - Emotional Intelligence can be improved. If you scored poorly in any of the four quadrants you can learn to score better and ultimately achieve greater happiness.

At the bottom of the pile in the EQ stakes are CEOs who have the lowest Emotional Intelligence scores.

The relationship between Emotional Intelligence and job title is the most
dramatic. Middle managers stand out, with the highest Emotional Intelligence scores. But above middle management, there is a steep downward trend in Emotional Intelligence scores.
For the titles of director and above, scores descend faster than a skier on a black diamond. CEOs on average, have the lowest Emotional Intelligence scores.

In the gender battle, women scored slightly higher than men. This is hardly surprising given that EQ depdnds on the ability to listen to your internal emotional signals and learn to express them while taking into account the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of the people you are dealing with.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

In a nutshell, EQ is your ability to recognise your own thoughts and feelings about a situation and act on them to bring about win-win situations in your dealings with others and in handling any obstacles or difficulties in your path.

The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book is based on the research of the authors with over 500,000 people and builds on the concepts first expounded by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence. Their website contains a database of the results of those interviews and tests and allows you to assess your own Emotional Intelligence and compare it with other people in your age group.

The four quadrants of EQ are:

• self awareness


• self-management


• social awareness


• relationship management

Why is EQ so important?

EQ helps us make better decision and deal with uncomfortable feelings. EQ helps us look at the long-term consequences of our actions and make decisions that improve the quality of our life.

Feeling sad? Want to down a litre of ice cream? This is where EQ would step in. Instead of drowning your feelings of sorrow in food or alcohol The EQ Quick Book recommends that you lean into your feelings of discomfort and learn from them. Instead of denying or avoiding uncomfortable feelings an Emotionally Intelligent individual asks what they can learn from the situation and how to make permament long-term changes.

According to the authors

People who fail to use their Emotional Intelligence skills are twice as likely to experience anxiety, depression, substance abuse and even thoughts of
suicide.

That's a pretty good incentive to make some changes to the way you deal with your emotions and your relationships.

How can you improve your own EQ?

• Learning to listen and observe body language is a great way to build social awareness
  Ask questions to clarify how the other person is feeling
• Listen to your gut feelings
• Consider the other person's point of view, their beliefs and feelings
• Instead of avoiding confrontation take the time to prepare your thoughts and gather all the material you need to support your point of view
• Act on your feelings in a calm manner rather than letting your temper get the better of you

How do you find out your own EQ score?

You can take the test at the website. Unfortunately the test is only free to people who purchase the book and use the unique code that comes with each book.

Beauty has no age limit

After tackling the issue of 'real beauty' Dove is continuing its campaign for acceptance of real women by embarking on a pro age campaign with the tagline 'Beauty has no age limit'.



What do you think? Do you like the idea of an advertising campaign and products featuring real women with wrinkles and age spots?

Psychology/Psychiatry Cartoons

I've added a widget today on the sidebar that links to a daily cartoon by Andertoons.

Daily Toon
Click to enlarge
Psychiatry Cartoonsby Andertoons

Emotional Eating Carnival February 2007

Welcome to the February 2007 edition of the carnival of emotional eating. We have some great new contributors talking about their battles with food as well as some expert advice.

Expert Advice:

Hal Sommerschield, Ph.D. presents North Star Mental Fitness Blog: Adult Pacifiers and Life Motives. Dr Hal describes an adult pacifier as

a substance, person or a self-defeating activity repetitively used to make us feel better.

Personal Experiences of Emotional Eating

Melissa presents Negative Self-talk: How it starts and what it does posted at Return to Eating Intuitively, saying, "At some point in my life I took the turn down the road of eating to block out uncomfortable feelings. Years later, I started paying attention to this old habit and started realilzing how much negative self-talk was constantly rattling through my head (as I overstuffed my body). If I was ever going to eat naturally and intuitively again, I had to shut off the negative inner dialogue and allow myself to feel uncomfortable things. See them through. Realize that feelings really aren't the enemy but just a transitional response to a situation. I use this blog to keep notes on things that have been helpful to me in my return to eating intuitively."

Heather Gorringe presents The YoYo Secret. In essence she advocates more a mindful approach to eating.

Cynthia presents The weekly weigh in, week 19 where she discusses the dieting journal, her challenges and role modeling appropriate attitudes towards food and eating for her daughter.

Therese Borchard presents Beyond Blue: Potatoes and Prozac and how the book is helping her keep sane and reduce emotional eating.


You can contribute to a future edition of the Emotional Eating carnival here

The Placebo Effect of Exercise

An interesting press release from the Association for Psychological Science

According to their research thinking that you get enough exercise is enough to lower blood pressure and drop weight. I have to admit that's a pretty surprising finding. I expected the blood pressure improvements but to lose weight just because you think you're doing a lot of exercise is unexpected. I think back to all the times that I have pigged out, err overeaten, because I felt like I had been exercising regularly. I was convinced that all the intense walking, dancing and gardening was burning kilos. The scales proved me wrong - and no I didn't gain muscle - I gained cookies, pizza and wine.

I'll be interested in your feedback on this research.

Mind-set matters -- Why thinking you got a work out may actually make you healthier

New findings appearing in the February issue of Psychological Science may offer us one more chance to reap the benefits of exercise through our daily routine. Harvard University psychologist Ellen Langer and her student Alia Crum found that many of the beneficial results of exercise are due to the placebo effect.

The surgeon general recommends 30 minutes of daily exercise to maintain a healthy lifestyle. While this may be harder for those who are required to sit behind a desk for eight hours, other jobs are inherently physical, like a hotel housekeeper. On average, they clean 15 rooms per day, each taking 20 to 30 minutes to complete. According to the study, the housekeepers might not perceive their job as exercise, but if their mind-set is shifted so that they become aware of the exercise they are getting, then health improvements would be expected to follow.

The researchers studied 84 female housekeepers from seven hotels. Women in 4 hotels were told that their regular work was enough exercise to meet the requirements for a healthy, active lifestyle, whereas the women in the other three hotels were told nothing. To determine if the placebo effect plays a role in the benefits of exercise, the researchers investigated whether subjects' mind-set (in this case, their perceived levels of exercise) could inhibit or enhance the health benefits of exercise independent of any actual exercise.

Four weeks later, the researchers returned to assess any changes in the women's health.

They found that the women in the informed group had lost an average of 2 pounds,
lowered their blood pressure by almost 10 percent, and were significantly
healthier as measured by body-fat percentage, body mass index, and waist-to-hip
ratio.

These changes were significantly higher than those reported in the control group and were especially remarkable given the time period of only four weeks.

Langer writes, "Whether the change in physiological health was brought about directly or indirectly, it is clear that health is significantly affected by mind-set." This research shows the moderating role of mind-set and its ability to enhance health, which may have particular relevance for treating diseases associated with a sedentary lifestyle.

Thanks to Diet-Blog for the heads up on this study

If only Dating Were this Simple

Well, it's Valentine's Day so I decided it was time to pull out an old favourite. This video on dating is hilarious.



Mating Game - video powered by Metacafe

I've posted this video before but it's so funny I think it deserves a second look.

Happy Valentine's Day

Alone on Valentine's Day?

If you're single or your relationship is up for review this Valentine's Day, take heart. For some singles, Valentine's Day symbolises what's missing in their life. They look jealously at happy couples in love, at people making plans for partnership or marriage and at those who seem to step lightly through love, never having their hearts broken. If you're alone on Valentine's Day today is good day to start afresh with hope in your heart but more importantly with a practical mind that is ready to take the steps necessary to put you on the path to happiness.

These 10 tips from Romancing the Frogs will show you how:

1. You are in control of your life

Being single doesn’t need to mean being lonely or bored. You can choose to be a victim and complain about being single or you can take charge of your life and make it an exciting and fulfilling adventure. Choose to be happy as a single person and you will enjoy your life much more.

2. There is more to life than finding a partner

Don’t worry, stress out or dwell on the fact that you are single. It’s only temporary, and in the interim your mission is to fill your days with as many interesting activities and people as you can find. Learn to focus on all the good points about being single - the independence, the freedom to make your own choices, and the opportunities to travel and pursue your own selfish desires.
Set yourself challenging goals and make sure you are always moving forward in your life. Don’t ever put things on hold (for example going on a diet, moving house, travelling, changing your job) while you wait for your new partner to materialise.
You do not need rescuing. You are perfectly capable of doing things on your own. If you need someone to hold your hand then look to your friends or family. Sort your life out before you get a partner and the new relationship will be much stronger.

3. Be confident and happy and other people will find you attractive

The less energy you put into looking for a partner the more chance there is of finding one. Desperation is the ultimate turn off. When your sole focus in life is to meet a partner you often attract people who take advantage of your vulnerable state.

Appreciate yourself as you are, and give thanks for all the good things that are already in your life. Make an effort to be happy and positive about your life and always expect the best. Appear confident, independent and motivated, and people will be queuing to meet you.

4. You can find someone worthwhile

When you are ready to start dating, don’t panic, there are a lot of good prospective mates out there. Forget about the losers and start focusing on what you want. The more time you spend thinking about the bad dates you have had or that you fear you may have, the more chance there is that things will go wrong.

Unless you are planning an orgy you’re only looking for one man or woman to spend the rest of your life with so you don’t have to worry if a few don’t make the grade. There’s no need to fret if most of the people you meet aren’t right for you, the more people you meet the greater the odds are of finding the one that’s right for you. Look for friendship and chemistry coupled with good communication , respect and honesty and you are on to a winning combination.

It is far better to be single than to stay with someone for convenience or to stave off loneliness. Be honest with yourself, if the person you are with falls well short of your ideal or you are unhappy in the relationship then move on and free yourself to meet someone better.

5. Not every person you’re involved with needs to be a life long partner

Many of your relationships can be likened to classes at school. You are there for a period of time to learn new things and when the lesson is over you will move on to a new relationship or phase in your life.

By dating and being involved with several people you can learn more about yourself. It will also help shape your ideas about the sort of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You may think you want to marry a farmer, but after a relationship with a farmer you may realise that the lifestyle doesn’t suit you.
Never think of any relationship as a waste of time. Every partnership you are involved in will help you grow and develop as a person.

6. Live in the moment

Relationships are the one area in our life where deadlines don’t work. You can set a goal to get a degree, paint your house or change jobs by the end of the year and be confident of achieving it, but if you set a goal to meet the love of your life before June you will probably be disappointed.

Relax, live in the moment and don’t worry about whether or not you will meet a partner in the future. The less time you spend worrying about the future the quicker your ideal mate will appear.

7. You need your friends

Now is the time to build up a strong network of friends and associates who can support you while you’re single. Having good friends can help you in several ways. Apart from providing companionship and an active social life, friends and family can introduce you to other people to enlarge your social circle and can provide a shoulder to cry on if things go wrong.

Actively seek out new friends and consciously befriend people who have positive healthy attitudes towards both partnerships and the single life.

8. Don’t get lost in the past

After a relationship ends learn from your experiences and then move on. Why waste time on regrets for what might have been or indulge in futile hopes for the future. The relationship is over and the sooner you accept this the quicker you will recover from the heartache.

9. The ultimate revenge

Getting on with your life and leading a busy fulfilling life is the ultimate revenge after a relationship breaks up. Don’t kid yourself that your ex will feel sorry for you when they hear that you are crying yourself to sleep. They will not appear at your bedside to wipe away the tears.

Let them see or hear that you are out enjoying yourself and have already got over them and you will have the last laugh. Never indulge in petty retaliation, stalking, or abusive phone calls. Moving on and being happy without your ex is a far more satisfying way of farewelling them.

10. Move out of your comfort zone

Theory is good but the only real way to improve your life is through action. You can sit at home and ponder what might be or you can go out and start making things happen. The goals and plans you’ve written are useless until you start implementing them.

Start meeting new people, doing new things and going to new places. Be prepared to take a few risks, try new things that you have never tried before. The only real way to meet Mister or Miss Right is by making changes to your life. So be daring - the rewards are worth it!

Can Blogging reduce Depression?

According to new blogger Therese Borchard the answer is yes. Therese blogs about her journey to recovery, her family, her writing and her faith.

Therese J. Borchard is the editor (with Michael Leach) of the best-selling I Like Being Catholic, I Like Being Married, and I Love Being a Mom. After her Prozac pooped out, she didn't like much of anything, so she compiled "The Imperfect Mom: Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World."

She lives with her husband, Eric, and their two "spirited" preschoolers in Annapolis, Maryland, where she runs, meditates, and sleeps eight hours a night to stay sane. She has a syndicated column called "Our Turn" that is distributed to diocesan newspapers throughout the US.

I took the opportunity to interview Therese about depression and anxiety, her writing, motherhood and the life she is building for herself.

Why did you start blogging?

I’ve been recording my experiences with depression in a journal and in articles here and there. Last October Beliefnet asked me to try a blog for two weeks to see if readers were receptive to it. They were! So right before Christmas they launched “Beyond Blue.”

When did your depression start?

I think I arrived in this world depressed. A psychic I paid to tell me why I was depressed said it was because my mom used Pitocin in an induced labor with me and my twin sister.

I was anxious and depressed as an adolescent, but it manifested in obsessive-compulsive behaviour, like extreme religiosity, and perfectionism. It was when I quit drinking, when I was 18, that I began to deal with it through therapy.

My most recent episode began shortly after I stopped breastfeeding my daughter. I believe that the hormonal change (plus I developed a tumor in the pituitary gland) contributed to fragile biochemistry. It took a year and a half and a hell of a lot of work (not to mention six doctors and 23 medication combinations) to get me well again.

What do you think are the biggest myths about depression?

That if people wanted to get well or feel better that they could.
That they are wimps who can’t master their thoughts and control their emotions.
That they are stuck in traumatic childhoods and simply can’t deal with life’s hard knocks.

What has been the single biggest help in your recovery?

These are great questions! Right as I read the question, I read the next one, and the answer came to me: blogging. I think putting my experience out there and hearing feedback has given me a purpose. Many of the positive psychologists out there talk about finding a mission. For me it’s educating the world on mental illness. And the blog has been a medium to do that.

I would say an equally important factor in my recovery is finding the right doctor and getting on the right meds, too.

Oh, and cognitive-behavioral therapy, you know, identifying distorted thoughts and untwisting them.

How does depression affect being a parent?

BIG TIME. I wish it didn’t. I think that’s the one thing that made me fight and fight and fight. I couldn’t give up because I had these two little people to care for. I thought for a long time I should just fade out (kill myself) and let a better-equipped mother raise them. But my doctor said something that stuck. “They only have one mother.” And also, if I commit suicide, the chances of them committing suicide were doubled.

I had no option but to get well. And to do it fast, because I hated crying and shaking around them. David, my 5 year old son, put me in “jail” one time for crying so much. That broke my heart.

Are you an emotional or stress eater?

I don’t think I do anything in moderation. So yes. I’ve had my eating basically under control since college days. I never skip a meal. I try to eat protein at each meal. I try not to gorge on sweets (that’s my weakness).

I definitely notice the effects of my diet on my mood, so it’s not just about counting calories. By what I put into my mouth I can control my moods to some extent.

Not that it keeps me eating well all the time.

Come on. I’m human. And since my libido sucks right now, I have to eat chocolate.

You mention addiction in your blog. How did you overcome alcohol addiction?

I believe I was addicted to alcohol. I say “believe” because I can’t say for sure. It’s just that bad things happened when I drank, even though it was only for three years in high school. I come from an alcoholic family and have been pretty bruised by alcoholic wounds. I wanted to stop the cycle and do something about it before I became an alcoholic not in control of my life.

Did you find it easy to learn to meditate or pray and how has it helped your recovery?

I really want to answer this question in this way: I love meditating and it is so easy and has transformed my life. The real story: I suck at it. I really don’t like it at all. I try and try and try to just focus on the good, and God, and all my blessings. I say prayers while I run and work out at the gym. I’m always repeating mantras (especially when I’m depressed) like “Jesus, be with me!”

I guess I would distinguish prayer from meditation in this way: When I’m talking directly to God or his mom or one of the saints, I call that prayer. When I’m sensing the divine, and trying to center on goodness in general, that’s meditation.

You prayed with Mother Theresa. What was that like?

I spent a week in Calcutta and worked with the Sisters of Charity. I stood beside Mother Teresa at this Christmas party for the orphan kids. She handed me a present and I gave it to the kid. That is quite a memory.

Praying was nice, too, but (like I said above), praying is difficult for me. Even with Mother Teresa.

Tell us about your writing

I’ve written some books and compiled others. The ones I edited (or compiled) include both original essays and quotes that I commissioned (or did so with my co-editor Mike Leach) and those essays for which I sought permission (like the famous people who don’t talk to dweebs like me.)


I Like Being Catholic spent a few months on the Publishers Weekly bestsellers list and sold like hotcakes in places like Dayton, Ohio, where all my mom’s Catholics friends live.

What mistakes do people make when dealing with depression?

I think some people make the mistake of not seeking treatment through medication because they feel as though they should be able to think themselves to better health, to control their thoughts. I also think people make a mistake when they expect their medication to do all the work for them.

You have to work every angle to get well: medication, cognitive-behavioral therapy, personal therapy, and any other method that helps (light treatment, meditation and prayer, gratitude journals, service work, support groups, exercise, diet changes, and so on).

What’s the best advice anyone has ever given you about depression?

That’s a great question! It’s got to be this . . . “put the spoon away.” But that takes a little explaining. For a long time, I thought that I should be able to change my brain with my thoughts, because I had read all sorts of studies that the brain is plastic and therefore can change with thoughts and experiences. I tried all kinds of alternative medicine—from acupuncture to Chinese herbs to wearing metals to homeopathic remedies to sacral-cranium message. I continued to cry and shake.

One day my husband, Eric, said to me that when he was in the fourth grade he watched a documentary on Uri Geller, the world’s most famous paranormalist who could bend a spoon with his thoughts. He rushed back from school for two weeks, sat down at the kitchen table and tried it. Finally he put the spoon back in the drawer and went to play with his friends. When I continued to shake and cry for months, and tell myself that I could make it go away, Eric finally told me to put the spoon away.

What’s up with the meds?

Ah yeah. Lots of meds. Part of it is, in my view, the infancy of medicine and science right now. I think no one really knows exactly how these drugs work. I mean we have the neurotransmitter models and all that . . . but treatment today is still so hit or miss. I think we’ll get to the point, with all the neurological studies and brain imaging scans, of more targeted treatment. God, I may even walk out of a drug store one day with a home depression test which tells me exactly what drug and how much I need.
Until then, I think it’s best to work with really good doctors. And conservative ones that give one drug two months before switching you. I felt sort of like a human guinea pig with doctor number two. He tried 14 different medications in four months. It’s no wonder I ended up in the hospital. And they were heavy duty antipsychotics that I don’t think I should have been on to begin with. But shame on me for not doing better research. By the time I got to doctor number six, I knew I wasn’t going to just take anything. I asked the right questions. And thankfully she was much more informed and much more intuitive about my needs.

Some people talk about how they are glad they have their mental illness and talk about how the positive aspects of dealing with depression. What’s your take on it?

Umm. I think about that question a lot. And I really shouldn’t. Because I can’t change it. On my bad days I sure as hell wish I didn’t have it. I recently spent a year and a half cursing God out and asking him what he was thinking the day he designed my brain. But on my good days, my really good days when I am so grateful for everything around me, I think to myself “it’s because you’ve been to the other side.” One of the best lines in The Prophet is “the deeper your sorrow the greater your joy.” I think that’s true. But I still would probably trade it for a happy brain in a New York minute.

Do you hear that?

It's the sound of my heart breaking.

My cat has been missing since Saturday night and this morning (Monday) I found the body. She was run over.



I'm taking a break from blogging for a day or two of mourning, to bury my beloved cat and plant a rose over her and to appreciate all the good things I have in my life.

Test drive Mindfulness Meditation

Unsure about meditation? I found this great free sample of meditation from Audible.com

It's an excerpt from the Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn, a leader in the field of mindfulness meditation which is now being incorporated with cognitive behavioural therapy to help people with everything from stress management and anxiety to eating disorders and depression.

You can learn more about Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behaviour Therapy here

Sleep News

Night owls are more creative
At last, justification for my anti-social habits. It seems that night owls score more highly on creativity and originality. Apparently true night owls are rare. The majority of people have normal circadian rhythms.
According to Hans Van Dongen, associate research professor at the Sleep and Performance Research Center at Washington State University

a small group of brain cells, called suprachiasmatic nuclei, emit signals to the body that synchronize the time of day. This "biological clock" runs two hours ahead in morning types and two hours later in evening types.

Brain chemical Orexin may hold the key to curing insomnia
As a sleep deprived blogger with a possible diagnosis of narcolepsy I was intrigued to see that the chemical associated with narcolepsy may have wider implications for sleep.

Going to bed lonely increases stress hormone
"Cortisol helps us respond to stressful experiences and do something about them," Emma K. Adam said. "It is necessary for survival -- fluctuations in this hormone assist us in meeting the changing demands we face in our daily lives."