After reading Vanessa Vega's memoir Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing and Hope I had the opportunity to interview Vanessa about her challenges with anorexia and self-injury. Vanessa hopes that sharing her story will help others battling similar issues and shine some light on self-injury, which she says affects millions of people.
Are you grateful for the adversity you have experienced? Some people talk about the positive aspects of mental health or dealing with adversity? Do you feel it has made you stronger, or would you rather have skipped the experiences?
At the time, I struggled to find a greater purpose for the adversity in my life. But in retrospect, I can see a clear correlation between my past obstacles and my present life. I am the person I am because of the obstacles I have worked through. My drive, dedication and desire to help others stems directly from some of the darkest times in my life.
What was your reason for sharing your story?
There are a couple of critical reasons why I shared my story. One, I have spent most of my life longing for reassurance that I wasn’t the only person in the world who thought some of my thoughts or engaged in self-injury behaviors. None of the therapists I worked with had much experience with self-injury and I could never find any books or stories of other self-injurers to reassure me that I wasn’t hurting in isolation.
This led me to believe that my behaviour was somehow genetic, that perhaps there was something wrong with me that couldn’t be fixed. I believed if the contrary were true, information would be more readily available. And yet, it was because of the work I did in therapy that I started to realize that my behaviors were rooted in deep-seated issues from my pas and that I wasn’t alone! If this were true, then that meant that I could control how I dealt with emotionally intense situations.
Once I reached a level of understanding within myself, I saw an opportunity to reach out to others who might also be struggling but weren’t at a place yet where they could openly talk about their pain.
This fact leads me to the second reason I chose to tell my story. There are millions of people in the world who self-injure, yet few medical, health care professionals, parents or educators know anything about it. Part of my struggles were exacerbated by the fact that I couldn’t find anyone who dealt exclusively with self-injury and could best help me to understand myself. I was able to find someone trained in eating disorder recovery and because self-injury and eating disorders are “sister” disorders, I was able to apply my treatment for one problem to the other, but I shouldn’t have had to do that. I want to bring this disorder into the forefront. I want someone who is struggling with self-injury to be reassured, as I never was, that they are not alone and that there is help available!
How have you coped with getting published? It’s a process that can involve rejection and bad reviews. Has this been an issue for you?
To date, all of my reviews to date have been incredibly positive and supportive. I knew when I was writing the book that I had to do the best job possible so that I would be 100% satisfied and proud of what I had created. I am. I wrote the book with the intention of helping as many people as I could and knowing that my book is doing so means more than anything to me. Ultimately, this is my story. I do not claim to have all the latest research statistics or to offer readers any easy answers. Instead, what I hope my book offers readers is hope.
Who do you speak to and what is the message you deliver?
I have spoken to parents, educators, medical and health professionals about self-injury. There is an incredible interest in this topic, but because so few people are willing to talk about it, many never get their questions answered. I embrace every opportunity that comes my way to help educate individuals about self-injury.
Do you foresee a point where you never deliberately harm yourself?
As with all persons in recovery, that is my ultimate goal. As of today, I have made it almost two complete years without purposefully injuring myself. Because this is a disorder rooted in emotional issues, the urge to self-injure remains. This is something I deal with on a daily basis. I believe as I continue in my recovery, even the urges to self-injure will fade.
What coping strategies do you use/have you used to reduce the compulsion to self-harm?
I have literally had to learn a new set of behaviors in order to reach this point in my recovery. I have sought out a couple of close friends whom I could trust with this issue and my needs and created a support system for myself. When I am times of emotional crisis, I can call on these individuals, night or day, for support.
In addition, like an alcoholic forced to clean out their liquor cabinet, I too have had to clean out my life…I have had to remove my previous tools of self-injury from my home in an effort to make getting them next to impossible. (I couldn’t throw them away initially, so a friend has kept them for me. Even though I haven’t used them in almost two years, they have been a security blanket for me so long that I’m not yet to a place where I can completely get rid of them. I expect that time to be coming soon and then I believe a new level of healing will have taken place!)
And finally, I have learned how to verbalize my feelings instead of internalizing them. This has been the hardest adjustment of all. But by getting to a place where I say, “I am feeling really overwhelmed right now”, it allows others to know how I am and to offer their support. I no longer feel like I am struggling in isolation and that has helped me to create new trusting relationships with the people in my life and to strengthen my ability to clearly identify my feelings rather than just “hurt” and cut to feel better.
I see from your blog you are still in recovery from anorexia. What triggers this?
I wish I could say this too was no longer an issue, but it is. I am an incredibly sensitive person and so in times of emotional intensity, my appetite is the first thing to go. In many ways, I feel like things in my life have to be going along perfectly in order for me to “deserve” food. The reality is that is rarely the case and that’s why I continue to struggle.
What strategies do you have for prevention of anorexia relapse?
Because this is something that has gone on for so long, most of the people in my life know about it. If I’m not eating, limiting my food intake or exercising too much, people will ask me about it.
As a teacher, I stand in front of nearly 140 students each day and I want to be as positive a role model to them as I can. I use this as a motivator to help stay on track as much as possible.
What’s the best advice anyone has ever given you for dealing with challenges/adversity?
Obstacles are a part of life. These are some of the most difficult times in our life, but critical to our development. I am who I am as a direct result of the obstacles in my life. They have helped to shape my drive and character.
No one likes to struggle, but if we aren’t struggling, we aren’t growing. It is during these times that we learn new things and realize how strong we really are.
In your book it appears you forgive your father, however in your blog, you say you can never forgive him. Which is it and what is your advice to others who feel they have been wronged?
I do forgive my father for many of the things that he has done. I believe he did the best he could at the time with what he had. However, there are other things I find difficult to accept. I have worked hard to move on from those things, but there are still some residual feelings of frustration that remain.
What was the response from other members of your family to going public with the story?
Incredibly positive. I allowed each person in my family an opportunity to read the book before my agent sold it. That way, if there were any discrepancies or questions, we could resolve them beforehand. There were not. My family has been very supportive of this effort and realize how important my story is to others who may be hurting.
What has been the single biggest help in your recovery?
A desire to get well. Period. Without a desire to move on in my life, I would have never had the courage to reach out and get the help I needed. I think each person has to reach “their bottoming out point” and I reached mine. I knew if I did not seek help, I would inadvertently kill myself and I could not allow that to happen.
What is your next book project?
Writing for me is a process. I have currently started two new non-fiction projects and am waiting to see which one fully manifests itself first. They are both completely different books, and so I cannot say quite yet what my next book will be about. I’ll let you know!
To check out a review of Vanessa's book click here.
You can also visit Vanessa's website and blog where she updates her progress.
Vanessa Vega Interview on Anorexia and Self-Harm
John Kirwan talks about Depression
John Kirwan’s contribution to the depression campaign has been significant, and initial feedback from pre-testing results are confirmed by a national survey showing 78% of those surveyed recalled the advertisements, and of these 98% were positive about them. Both the survey and 0800 helpline callers have identified his personal honesty and openness as a key factor in the success of the campaign.
John Kirwan has since been appointed an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit for his services to mental health awareness.
You can purchase John Kirwan's biography All Blacks Don't Cry: A Story of Hope from Fishpond.
Shorter Fall Days = SAD Symptoms Kick In
It doesn't take many days of sunsets at 7:50 p.m. for my own mild SAD to kick in. Even though the daytime temperatures are still hitting the 80s, I'm pulling out the wool throws and thinking about making a vat of mac and cheese. This is a common response as we head into Fall. Most of us occasionally suffer from the "Winter Blues," but SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder is more than that.
According to Mental Health America (formerly National Mental Health Association) , a diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder can be made after 3 consecutive winters of the following symptoms if they are followed by complete remission of those symptoms in the spring and summer months:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Mood changes: extremes of mood and in some, periods of mania in spring and summer
- Sleep problems: desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake or disturbed sleep and early morning awakening
- Lethargy
- Overeating: craving for starchy and sweet foods resulting in weight gain
- Social problems: irritability and desire to avoid social contact
- Sexual problems: decreased libido and decreased interest in physical contact
SAD may be a result of seasonal light variation. As seasons change, there isThere has also been research linking the sleep-related hormone, melatonin to SAD. Results of some of these findings can be found on NIMH's (National Institute of Mental Health) site.
a shift in our "biological internal clock" or circadian rhythm due partly to
these changes in sunlight patterns. This can cause our biological clock to
be out of step with our daily schedules.
Treatment
An excellent resource, for both health professionals and lay people is Winter Blues: Seasonal Affective Disorder: What Is It and How to Overcome It by Norman E. Rosenthal, MD. Dr. Rosenthal explores several treatment options, including the most popular, light therapy, but also herbal, vitamin and antidepressant options.
Light therapy is usually recommended, utilizing a 10,000 lux light box, which contains fluorescent light tubes covered with a plastic screen blocking ultraviolet rays. The Cleveland Clinic offers a more extensive exploration of light therapy for SAD. This article also has a list of sources for light boxes.The model shown is from goLITE.
Most cases of SAD are mild to moderate. But with any possible diagnoses, if you believe you are experiencing symptoms of SAD, you should see your doctor or a mental health professional. Many of the symptoms of SAD can also be indicators of a more severe depression or other disorder.
Disaster Needn't Dampen Spirits
I want to preface the following with an important point. While my friend's experience was intense, it doesn't compare to the loss of lives and indescribable damage suffered recently in many areas from hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding and fires. My intention is not to minimize or trivialize those events.
Late August, my oldest friend's affluent Chicago suburb was hit by a devastating storm. Much like an ice storm we experienced a couple years ago at Christmas, there were unexpected outcomes. I asked her to share her experience.
Did you have any warning before the storm?
That Thursday, the Chicago-area weatherman did not predict severe storms or tornadoes - only more of the rain and possible pop-up storms that had been predicted for the past ten days. The first notice of pending trouble came with a neighbor saying that school was letting out early due to strong storms and a tornado warning. The only other warning was the sudden power outage.
What was your experience when it hit?
"As I went about gathering candles, flashlights and closing windows, the wind picked up and the rain started to pound. When it got really, really loud, I went into an interior room with a brick wall, knowing that was the safest place. But I just HAD to watch so I emerged just far enough to watch through my patio doors. As the noise got even stronger, I saw the top half of my healthy maple tree twist in the wind, snap off and slam into the property beyond, taking the fence with it. In that same gust of wind, a huge trunk fell from right to left across my yard and I could see was a chaotic mass of branches and leaves. Ten minutes later, the howling subsided."
What about the aftermath?
When it stopped, my friend went door to door asking if anyone was hurt or if their homes were damaged. There were no injuries. "This was one of the first 'Aha' moments and we realized how lucky we were." Soon neighbors emerged from their homes and into the street to assess the damage and begin clean-up. And for the next four days while the power was still out and most services unavailable, neighbors collaborated to help each other. They had impromptu shared meals and barbeques on gas stoves and grills as the food in fridges and thawing in freezers was at risk for spoiling. They pooled tools to saw branches, car cellphone chargers and other items to make storm aftermath and cleanup more manageable. Young moms tried to entertain kids without TVs or microwaves. By the second day, as flood waters began to back up into basements, some as much as 18 inches, the collaboration continued. "We gathered for the simple comforts of food and camaraderie."
What did you learn from this experience?
After power was restored, dangling electrical wires fixed and threatening tree limbs removed, there was time for reflection."It put things in perspective. During this week of natural disaster and recovery, I learned that bad things are often paired with good things. This was a very, very bad storm, but we were very, very lucky that for the most part, life and limb were spared. Remarkably few people focused on the negative, even those who had to move out of their homes until repairs were done.
It's a humbling experience, one that reminds us life is fragile and can change in an instant. We all came away with a renewed sense of community and appreciation of the power of people working together. In times of crisis, people are amazingly strong, generous and supportive. This fact often gets lost in the drone of daily life and I'm grateful that I got a glimpse of how decent humankind can be. When the next disaster strikes, I'll know that help is only as far away as the next person."
7 Simple Stress-Reduction Strategies
Like most people who work in the corporate world, my spouse has been experiencing a high level of job stress lately. He works more hours, takes very little time off and often stresses about work even when away from the office. The light at the end of the tunnel, or at least a brief respite, will come in a few weeks when we go to the beach for a week. A week in a beach house is a no-brainer stress reduction strategy. There are countless books, audio tapes and Web sites with similar stress management advice. But here are some simple, everyday things we can do to reduce stress:
1. Take a break from your "real" life
Sure vacations are great; the anticipation, the total change in venue, etc. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford the money or time. But most of us can take an afternoon, a day or two or a long weekend and escape our everyday routines and pressures. Go to a B&B for the weekend. If strapped for cash, visit an old friend out of town. It doesn't have to cost anything other than maybe gas money - take a day and go to a local state park, spend the day in an art museum (especially when they have free admission!).
2. Spend time with friends
With our hectic lives and schedules, time with good friends becomes a luxury. Maintaining friendships shouldn't be such hard work. I often have to schedule a lunch date with my best friend weeks in advance. But considering the benefits of time with someone with whom you can "let your hair down" and be yourself - isn't it worth the extra effort? And I'm not talking about friends who are constantly in crisis or are always seeking your support and advice. When you are feeling stressed is not the time to take on the role of lay therapist! This should be a mutually beneficial relationship.3. Breathe!
How often have we heard that breathing correctly can reduce stress. It's a physiological response. Most of us breathe too shallowly. Try really filling up your lungs and slowly exhaling, taking 5 or 6 deep breaths. It's a proven antidote for anxiety. One of my favorite books about stress management and relaxation is The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, by Martha Davis, Matthew McKay and Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman. First published in 1980, it has step-by-step instructions for learning to breathe correctly, progressive relaxation, meditation, visualization and many other stress-reducing techniques. For years I have referred patients to this book in my practice.
4. Use the "right" side of your brain
Much research has been done on the use of the left and right sides of our brains. Simplistically stated, the left side is said to control logical, rational and analytical thinking; the right side - the intuitive, creative and "holistic" thinking. For instance, a math professor would probably be left-brain dominant, an artist, right-brain dominant. I often hear people who are typically left-brained say, "I'm not that creative. I'm a logical thinker." Opening up and exploring that right-brain connection can be a stress-buster. A good example is a friend who is a litigation attorney. Since I've known him he has explored creative pursuits by learning to bake artisan breads and taking a watercolor painting class. Here's a fun, short test to see if you are right- or left-brained: Are You Right or Left Brained? (FYI - I scored 35% left brain and 65% right brain.)5. Hang out with animals.
There have been studies confirming that having a pet reduces blood-pressure and has many other positive health benefits. My neighbor has a menagerie of animals, both indoor pets and livestock (most of whom are also pets). Sometimes when stressed, I find myself going over for a "horse fix." In their presence, I can feel that stress leaving me. Throw a Frisbee for your dog or build a fort for your cat with bed pillows. Go to the zoo and sit near a rhino or polar bear.
6. Sure, we all know this one - physical exercise reduces stress
But sometimes walking or running on a treadmill doesn't do it. Go smack a tennis or racket ball. Bounce a ball off a brick wall. When I lifted weights, I found pulling down a heavy, overhead lat bar did it for me.7. Have more fun
Most of us work too hard, sleep too little, make poor diet choices and/or have too much stress in our lives. When was the last time you did something silly and fun? Laughed until you teared up? Rent a truly goofy movie. Call that friend who makes you laugh.Nancy
I love New York! But...
I hate the memories of 9/11. It plays on my depression and my GAD. I knew some of the firefighters that were killed that awful day. I have friends who lost loved ones there as well. It's awful to head into Lower Manhattan and see a large crater where thousands used to work. It's truly heartbreaking to see what once was a gorgeous skyline forever lost.
And yet, we're heading to New York City tomorrow to celebrate our youngest's birthday. This is a tradition for our family for quite a few years now. My daughter's love the American Girl dolls so that's where we head. To Midtown Manhattan, two blocks from Times Square, to what my girls consider heaven....the almighty American Girls Place. We go into NYC at least once a month so you'd think I'd be ok with it by now. But, I'm not.
I panic when I see the Holland Tunnel because enclosed spaces and I do not get along well. Then I start thinking about how much of a target that tunnel is for terrorists. Then I start thinking about how nearly everything in this city is a target for terrorists or some other tragedy. There's the Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center, many bridges, and OH YES, the very famous Times Square. I could easily just skip going to the city for those reasons and many more I don't want to bore you with. But then I think about my girls and how much they love going. My husband would be extremely disappointed too. He sees Ground Zero as a place to pay our respects to the lost. I see it as pain, sadness, and broken hearts. Which makes my depression start to spin an evil web.
I actually sit with a pillow covering my eyes and holding my breath as we enter the Holland Tunnel. Is this therapeutic and medically endorsed? Probably not, but it works for me at that particular time. I do lean on my anxiety medication to help me through the rest of the day. Usually one will do it. Calming me enough so I can not be the person standing in the middle of Times Square having a full on panic attack and yelling about possible terrorism. LOL No I've never done that, but I've come close a few times. :)
I look forward to heading off tomorrow. I can't wait to see my daughter's faces light up when they see the Statue of Liberty. Which is just before I catch site of the dreaded tunnel. It's their joy and happiness that gets me through along with a little help from my old friend Mr. Xanax.
Have a great weekend everyone! I'll be back to post about how the trip went for me on Tuesday.
