Comments on Overcoming Life's Obstacles: Is Second Life the Ultimate Cyber-Addiction?

I am a phsycologist in training, and my summer cla...

2010-07-22T04:51:59.565+12:00

I am a phsycologist in training, and my summer class has just started covering gaming addiction. One of my friends mentioned Second Life as an extrememly addictive,deadly online poison. I found his comment intriguing to the full extent, and took it as a challenge to research this "deadly online poison". I had downloaded SL a week ago, and i find the SL world incredibly well made. There was everything a real person could want. But the humans behind the stunningly perfect/strange avatars seemed to be in a daze; everytime i mention anything about real life experiences (ex: what I/they did this weekend, what they are planning to do this summer, etc), they became very defensive and ovasive. It was almost like their RL was their SL and they were trying to quit/avoid their real life instead of doing vise versa. I will continue to walk around second life, but only bearing the fact that SL is a VIRTUAL world, and that i will continue living my actual life as a "living" person. I saw what SL had done to people. It is indeed a "deadly online poison", but only if the humans are willing to succumb to it. If you are addicted, i suggest that you immediately uninstall SL. I understand that you had built your ideal life into the virtual world of SL, but it is not TRUE perfection. Sooner or later, you will be dragged back to reality. Make it sooner rather than later. Saves you a lot of regret.

I signed up with SL about 1 week ago - the first d...

2010-07-21T12:14:42.246+12:00

I signed up with SL about 1 week ago - the first day I was in world 5 hours and have been on it every day since. In fact I took off today from work because I was up so late on SL. I talked to my therapist about it and I've decided to unplug. I love Philip K Dick's novels - haven't seen it mentioned here, but SL's addictive qualities almost exactly mirror one of his novels, The3 Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, there's a thread in it where the population escapes reality by living vicariously in their SL, Perky Pat. Might be an interesting read for you.

I've been reading through the comments and it's go...

2010-06-20T20:51:22.182+12:00

I've been reading through the comments and it's good to see I'm not alone. I've been playing SL for almost four years this November, started when I was underage at 16 and I actually convinced my mother to let me homeschool my 10th-12th grade years. In playing SL I became a manipulative and secretive person I began thinking I could get away with anything. I didn't realize it then but I thought my SL life was better than my real one, I cared less about studies and played SL daily. Friends stopped calling and I just made new friends on SL who would eventually stay for a while then leave. I ended up running a strip club at 16 and voice prostituting for money, which lead me to a BDSM domination lifestyle making money as a dominatrix. The money was great for a while, and I realized I really let myself go down a bad road. I've tried almost everything in SL, clothing design, stripping, prostitution, building, sim owning, gambling, having SL kids to pass the time, you name it and i've done it. The only good thing about my time in SL is that i've become quite a good graphic artist, other than that I'm an anti-social hermit. Reading through this blog makes me want to try and quit, the only time i've been off SL was when I was reported as underage and banned for a month, when I turned 18 I immediately came back with a new alt, started a new life and thought everything was going to be good again. I am happy sometimes, but days go by faster when I play SL and i'm realizing I can't do this for the rest of my life. I'm in college now and I shouldn't be online 24-7. I've never had a job because I always made enough money in SL to get by. I've let SL take over my life and it's hurting my real one. Like many have said SL is a drug and it's very addicting, I wish I would have realized that years ago without being so blind to the obvious.

I have been on SL for over a year now, and just fi...

2010-06-18T12:12:31.223+12:00

I have been on SL for over a year now, and just finished my 3rd long term relationship there. This one was six months. The sad part of it is that I am a mother of two in her late 40s who has been married for 22 years and I have the real life many dream of. What is even more bazaar is that the people I have had the relationships with think I'm a beautiful 23 year old, a lie within a lie. I look at what I have done and I'm ashamed, I have tried to stop myself several times I hope I am successful in this one. I have a hard time explaining to my husband that I am crying over ending a relationship with another man. But, I can't do it without him. Those of you who are with someone who is hooked, they will need you to baby sit them when they are trying to quit. When I was young I experimented with drugs and never got hooked, SL is the strongest drug I have ever seen. If you are there get out, if your loved ones are there you will need to HELP them get out

I am so glad that I found and read this blog about...

2010-06-15T09:53:19.827+12:00

I am so glad that I found and read this blog about SL. I just heard about SL while reading on a forum I belong to. The poster added a link to this blog.

I must be living under a rock. One thing is for certain; I am going to avoid SL like the plague. I have an addictive personality and I don't need the problems and or troubles that are caused by addiction to this game. I don't even want to look at the site or graphics.

I wish all of you who are trying to break the SL habit the very best of luck.

I am a SL addict who up until a couple of days ago...

2010-05-24T19:06:37.549+12:00

I am a SL addict who up until a couple of days ago played 12/14 hours a day!
I often wouldn't eat or shower as I was so involved in the game. I neglected my husband, daughters, pet, house, myself, family .... and so the list goes on and on.
I also spent lots of money on it.
For me the wake up call came when I got heavily involved with a RL married guy and the whole relationship started to damage me badly emotionally. This guy had issues RL (marriage probs and financial probs) that needed to be addressed but instead of dealing with them there he took them to SL and vented his anger on me! Afterwards he would be very apologetic and cry and of course I would forgive him as I loved him. This went on for several weeks and I spent many sleepless nights crying.
It was only when a previous partner of his sent me a link to a website (having been through it previously herself with him) that I realised what I was going through and I got out of the relationship and out of SL. The article described the cycle of abuse and it fitted what I was going through perfectly as he would go quiet or withdrawn and then sooner or later he would explode and make me feel meaningless in both worlds and then of course the honeymoon phase would come where he was all apologetic, loving and would cry and say it wouldn't happen again, but it always did. It truly was like being on an emotional rollercoaster.

I have been out of SL for about a week now and it's tough going, I think about it a lot, I even dream about it. I think about him too even though he was bad for me.
Part of me wants revenge for what he put me and his other ex through as both of us lost enthusiasm and pleasure in the game due to our experience with him ..... but we both agree that from the moment we ended it with him our internet addcition vanished overnight.
I am just hoping that my pull to go back to SL goes soon too.
Thank you for reading.

My partner spends at least 6 hours every day in Se...

2010-05-22T19:04:56.415+12:00

My partner spends at least 6 hours every day in Second Life, 14-16 hours Saturday & Sunday. He has found himself an SL girlfriend and now says he doesn't want to take a week's holiday with me in June because he doesn't want to be "away" from Monika, his SL girlfriend. He hasn't eaten away from the computer for several weeks and is just about to change his phone plan so he can get the internet during the day when he's at work.

It just makes me sad, and for those who say lighten up, I suggest you try to live with an SL addict.

I have no doubt SL can be addictive if one has a p...

2010-05-17T18:41:09.560+12:00

I have no doubt SL can be addictive if one has a personality which is subject to addiction. And my heart goes out to those who have succumbed to this.

BUT for most it is a case of diminishing interest. When I first went to SL I was amazed by it and spent much (and I do mean MUCH), time in world.

Nowadays however, I spend a mere few minutes per week in SL (during those weeks I go into SL at all). Said time spent mostly checking messages and tapping old friends for a few moments of conversation.

Point is that after the initial amazement wears off and one has tried a few experiences, one realizes that real life is more infinitely rich than any virtual world can be and curtails virtual activity on his or her own.

Ever stop to think the reason many people resist efforts to moderate their time in second life is not that they are addicted, but rather because they resent busybodies who try to interfere and seem to think because THEY have issues with SL then EVERYBODY must have the same issues?

(how's THAT for a run-on sentance?) :-) Here's another.....

As for those who decry SL as a sex infused money laundering hell-on-earth, just know there are MANY tax payers who make a legal living in world and THOUSANDS who don't indulge in pointless cartoon sex. So stop the finger pointing, and lighten up.

SL is the utopia of online sex chatrooms. Some peo...

2010-05-03T13:25:54.280+12:00

SL is the utopia of online sex chatrooms. Some people really make it their priroty. It's a freakin sad state.

I recently lost my G/f to SL. She decided that bec...

2010-04-25T23:26:56.426+12:00

I recently lost my G/f to SL. She decided that becoming an online whore at SL is her top priority in life. This nearly destroyed me, mentally and emotionally. Because she has some severe mental issues, I am truly afraid of what is about to come to her.
I would like to raise another issue. How come the US government is not taking any action against SL.
1. It has its own currency, which is illegal.
2. Nobody knows who is using it to launder money.
3. Americans who make money there never report it on their tax returns and that is also illegal...

I quit SL 30 minutes ago! After an addictive 2 mon...

2010-04-08T10:56:27.443+12:00

I quit SL 30 minutes ago! After an addictive 2 months. All i could do was eat and sleep SL. I deleted all files, emails. I was working in SL earning 3000 per week so it was good income. But my RL work suffered and i needed to work onRL relationships. It is ADDICTIVE i am so glad i made the break now - i feel better.

My son that is going to be 18 yrs old is addicted ...

2010-04-07T07:56:13.621+12:00

My son that is going to be 18 yrs old is addicted to this game as well as the furry fandom. This started very innocently when he was 15 yrs old and he got dragged into the shady side of Furires and Second lIfe and end -up practicing paraphilias, infantilism, swaping porno with anthropomorphic characteristics - two animals/avatars having sex - and cutting him-self. We are trying to help him, he is going to a psychiatrist but he still fighting us tooth and nail regarding his addictions to hte game, paraphillic friends and furry fandom friends. I am at a lost as to what to do - I told him I will just disconnect the computer and he just lost it cried, scream, etc I am extremely concerned about him - I just think that he needs to get away from teh computer, the game, his internet freak friends and his virtual friends to regain some sanity.

This is taking an extreme emotional toll on all of us, and is totally beyond me how a game that is palyed by teenagers has a feature that allows virtual and perverse sex. It is absolutely sick, What sick mind conceived this and much less allows teenagers to get involved in something that reinforces addcition - sex does taht - tehre are people in teh world addicted to it, fake relationships, fake caring, fake everything and this mind crave so much approval, acceptance, love that they succumb to it. They allow adults to mix with teenagers and take them into teh worse pervertions.

What is wrong with these people, they are corrupting monsters and they leave us parents, wives, husbands,children to pick up the pieces or to loose them forever.

There shold be an investigation into this corrupting game as well as the furry fandom taht masks pedophiles, paraphiliacs, zoofilist, among tehmeselves and prey on innocents.

I am worried that my husband may be addicted to SL...

2010-04-07T06:04:30.178+12:00

I am worried that my husband may be addicted to SL. When we first started dating, 10 years ago, he was addicted to the video game Final Fantasy. Now he has this account in SL and he spends all the time that he isn't at work on it. The problem is not only that I'm lonely, we also have two small boys. The oldest is almost 4 and Autistic. I feel like I am a single mom traveling this journey of Autism alone. I hate to say it, but, it has ALMOST driven me to adultry. I've tried talking to him about it and he told me he had uninstalled it. He LIED. I woke up in the middle of the night to find him in the living room having cyber-sex on SL. I feel cheated, abandoned and betrayed. I fear our son does too.

My husband lost his career as a professional minis...

2010-04-05T04:06:46.744+12:00

My husband lost his career as a professional minister left me after 3o years of marriage and is now almost destitute doing houskeeping work. I feel he lost his mind in Second Life.

I have been a member for around 3 years and at fir...

2010-04-04T22:31:18.396+12:00

I have been a member for around 3 years and at first disregarded SL as a joke! I have only been serious about it for the past week and have found myself playing it upto 8 hours per night. When i returned to SL i was amazed and somewhat excited to learn about the amount of casual cyber sex that exists now. In my first day back i was confronted with four seperate sexual situations.

I can't believe how many people log on to have quick cyber sex then log off! I think a lot of people are using it as a new form of porn with the added excitement of real time chat and emotions!

Just yesterday i met a female who seemed very confused between her RL and SL as she was spying on me to make sure i was being faithful even know we have no SL relationship! I mistakenly joked about it as i am not taking this seriously at all and she got very upset which stunned and worried me about her emotional condition.

After reading your articles i will certainly re-evaluate my account with SL.

SL USER

It has been very interesting and in a strange and ...

2010-03-15T03:28:24.080+13:00

It has been very interesting and in a strange and sad way for me, comforting to hear other people's experiences. I think you have all been really brave in disclosing your experiences. My RL fiance discovered SL and we both joined to meet online as we do not live together. Whilst I go on to be with him, (and yes buy some lovely gowns!) it has been a real voyage of discovery for him that has taken him to some very dark places, and as he says 'exploration of himself' I know he has 3 female alts that visit porn/sex sites and he has started going there as his main male avatar whenever I am not around. He says he logs off his female alts when I come online and wants to be with me as his main avatar. He can't see this as a problem, but I have seen him having sex with others. He says it's only 'pixel sex' it's fantasy, but I totally disagree. I think it is an interaction with another person because there are real people on the keyboards, responding to each other. I do understand some of his motivation to do this, but not after almost 4 years. I am now seriously considering ending the relationship. It has been such a relief to put this down in writing.

My lover is now an addict of Second Life: spends u...

2010-02-28T09:55:35.131+13:00

My lover is now an addict of Second Life: spends up to 60 jours per week on the game, doesn't do anything much now than be an avatar. Work, friends, life, our relationship, money everything is being destroyed by the cyberspace that I don't call a game. All the symptoms of the addiction. Just terrible.
We are in france and this addiction is not well known and the second life "space" not totaly understood I would say by professionals yet. Hard to get good help.
It feels terrible.

Anonymous: I just wanted to say it sounds to me t...

2010-02-27T09:35:37.294+13:00

Anonymous:

I just wanted to say it sounds to me that you have done everything possible to help your daughter.

Just as Al-anon has helped many people who have addicts and alcoholics in their lives, I highly recommend OLG-Anon. It's available online at the OLGA (Online Gamers Anonymous) Web site at www.olga.org.

My hope is that you (and your grandson) will get the support you need to deal with this tremendously difficult situation.

Take care,
Nancy

I have a 47 year old daughter who is addicted to S...

2010-02-26T14:32:26.749+13:00

I have a 47 year old daughter who is addicted to SL. She is morbidly obese, and on SL her avatar is a gorgeous, well built red head. In Sept. 2008 she left her son with us, his grandparents, packed up everything, and moved from Calif to Kentucky. She'd never been in Kentucky before, she went as far away as she could get from me, so she could live her life in SL without interference. She worked from home, and her Calif job went with her to kentucky, putting her in a pay scale that looked like a fortune by Kentucky standards. She spent every moment she wasn't working on SL. Soon she met a man who wanted to carry the relationship to RL. He came from Alabama to meet her, married her after a one month acquantence and moved in with her. he hadn't worked in over 7 years, was 13 years younger than her, and had a 5 yr old daughter he brought with him. They married in March, she lost her job in May to the recession, and in July he stripped their joint account of every penney and ran off with another victim he'd met on SL. Since that time, she's back on SL full time. she's collecting unemployment, which is enough to live on in Kentucky. She makes no effort to find a job and has absolutely no contacts in the real world. She is diabetic, and I fear that she could die and no one would ever know. She has no friends in RL, doesn't communicate with her son or with us and lives her entire life in SL. Her son was devistated when she dumped him, but is pulling himself together, going to college and working while living with us. He's never known his father, so had only her and us. I don't believe there is anything I can do to help her, and just send my story as a warning to others. SL is dangerous, especially to people who don't have what they want in RL and don't have the energy to change their RL to what they want. It's so much easier to pretend to have what you want. I expect to get a late night phone call someday, and I am powerless to do anything to help her.

I have read through each and every person's commen...

2010-02-21T08:30:30.786+13:00

I have read through each and every person's comments and I have to say I can relate with so many of these individuals. And I am preparing now to break down a great deal of my SL and bring my RL back into focus.
I just finished having a 2 hour talk with my RL husband. It will be so difficult for me to do this. I will be leaving behind a lot of friends and loved ones. But I have left myself behind - my daughter behind - so much of my life behind. While I love wearing pretty dresses and dancing, it's no fun for me to do it alone. Doing it with other people only makes things trickier, as each interaction with them then ends up representing a reason why I am disatisfied with something in my RL - something I could actually change if I worked hard enough. So my marriage isn't going well (and not because of the gaming per se, more because of differences my spouse and I have and issues unrelated) - that doesnt mean I should use a virtual world where everything thing is happy and lovely like some sort of prozac. COME ON, I mean, life is never going to get better than it is in this very moment unless I suck it up and move on with everything. SL is a crutch - a coping mechanism - and I for one think I am better than that. I have found pieces of who I am, but I have also lost a lot of myself too. I used to read books, watch movies, spend time going out after school with my sweet 8 year old. Now, those moments I used to cherish I see as interuptions to an SL. It's time for me to STOP hurting myself and those I care about and start LIVING again. Making RL friends and keeping up with the laundry and dishes and keeping the toilets scrubbed. How OFTEN I have taken a step back and said to myself "Darn, I wish this tub would be clean all the time like it is in SL" - not "Gee, I should be spending way more time cleaning than I do sitting on my @ss in a recliner logging onto a virtual world". It's time to grow up. It's time NOT to pacify myself. It's time to make a break - as easily as I can. I wish so much good to everyone else who posted here. No more pain, no more sadness and no more addiction. I hope to see some of you on Olganon.

Hi, I just found SL tonight through a search I did...

2010-01-30T00:23:25.060+13:00

Hi,
I just found SL tonight through a search I did for Avatar chat. Just the web page alone will draw you in, the graphics are wonderful, I downloaded the program and started playing, because I am new I asked a few vet. players for help, the answer I got was "run away" don't get started that I would spend hours of my time and a ton of money, I am a mother of 2 small children and honestly I can say I am already addicted to the internet, I have changed so much over the last year, I don't do anything anymore. I hope I don't get wrapped up in this game but I have no self control the only thing I see stopping me is maybe lack of funds to pay for things on the game, after the girl told me to run away she then told me that she could get me a hot avatar and where to get freebie items at...its push and pull for me another thing is the controls are confusing I hope these things can keep me away.

Ok... so I've been in SL for 1000 days. That's al...

2009-12-19T06:29:35.648+13:00

Ok... so I've been in SL for 1000 days. That's almost three years. I've had my share of trouble with it. I was totally open with my rl spouse about everything I was doing... at first it was just funny to go look at all the different creations and different ways people chose to spend their time. We laughed at the virtual romances and sex, then to make money in game I began working in SL in the most popular profession.
Still it was ok, my spouse games as well... until I met someone and began spending my whole SL with them. Emailing RL with them. Dreaming of a different life with them. I lied to my spouse and told them I wasn't in contact with the SL romance anymore, when I was... and my spouse discovered it by looking in my email.
I stopped logging in for a month. We worked on things, it got better and for a long time, I didn't do anything but hang out with friends in SL and pursue creative outlets, building, writing, photography, etc.
It's when I'm home alone I'm compelled to seek out company of a "romantic" nature. That's my problem. I have a source of income inworld through a store I've done work for so I rarely buy Linden, so that's not a problem.
I don't know if I'm an addict or just a terrible person.
My SL is generally lonely and I shop to fill the time. But when I have the apt to myself... I can't stop looking for someone to "spend time" with.
I'm terrified my spouse will find out and that will be the end of an otherwise good marriage, but I can't stop... it's like exploring a side of myself I can't in RL.
Is this addict talk or rationalizing being a jerk?

I am an SL addict and desperately want to walk awa...

2009-11-24T22:42:02.072+13:00

I am an SL addict and desperately want to walk away from it. Today I made a decision to abandon it again but it's so incredibly difficult. I have done this once before for 3 months but in that time I thought about SL nearly every day. I am happily married with two gorgeous children and yet feel compelled to login. I am going through a major withdrawal at the moment and feel so lost without it and yet lately when in-world I've felt equally as lost and empty. I have come to the conclusion there is something 'missing' in my RL or else I would not be searching for 'something' in SL. Secondlife, as has been said, is not a game. It is a dangerous thing for a great many people. It can never make you whole.

I would like to make this clear before i start. B...

2009-10-24T20:25:26.417+13:00

I would like to make this clear before i start. Before tonight, I have never heard of SL. I'm 19, and have, in the past, had some very intense online relationships (Not in a sex-type way, but in a close friend type way). I'm a gamer. And i have a mother with a very addictive personality.

To me, SL is not in any way shape or game. I would laugh at anyone playing this, who called themself a gamer, and any other gamers would do the same. Games have objectives. Games have quests. Storylines. That is the purpose of a game.

I will start with myself: I'm a 19 year old female, and i love video games. My all-time favourite was starcraft, and generally i just loved it for the chat. I met many amazing people.. I even had an online relationship. I met the boy IRL, and decided it just couldn't work. For anyone considering this.. i urge you to understand there are tons of tiny little ticks about a person you just can't see online!

I would not say i was addicted to gaming.. but i believe i have enough experience with online relationships to understand how they can be a time-suck.

Returning to the topic of SL: I was watching a documentary on it today, how it destroys lives, how people think the relationships they have there don't count as affairs, etc etc.. It made me very sad. I have a mother who has a very addictive personality. She spent the greater part of the last two months HEAVILY playing some stupid game on facebook. (Facebook is another stupid program that ruins lives, imo.) It hurt that she would choose to play said game instead of doing something with the family. "Could you please wait another half hour? I need to finish this". and lines much like it were words I often heard coming from her mouth. Being a gamer myself, i understand the pull. I understand the connection with people. I understand that you KNOW people in ways you can never know them IRL. However.. letting that control your life is ridiculous. I've matured in the past year. I've spent much less time talking to my online friends. I've been spending much more time with people. It's been a nice change.

I read every single comment reply to this article. I feel sorry for anyone sucked into this hole, or those around them. And i hope that those sucked in can realize what's happening to them, and pull themselves out.

It continues to astound me that this post, which i...

2009-10-17T05:20:04.012+13:00

It continues to astound me that this post, which is over two years old, gets the most response of any topic I've posted!

My hope is that those of you who have struggled with this issue are finding some relief.

Again I will offer further chat/info if anyone is interested. Simply leave your contact info in a comment - as comments always await moderation, we can chose not to publish them to protect your privacy.

Take care,