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Talia and Nancy L

6 Steps to Feel Good About Your Body

My friend Sarah Maria has just released her fabulous new book Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently. The book outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body and yourself. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual which she says is the key to true and lasting healing.

Here is an excerpt from her book, with 6 tips to feeling beautiful today! You'll notice that Sarah Maria's approach is very spiritually oriented, encouraging you to feel good about your body and befriend it.

P.S. if you purchase the book from Amazon, Sarah Maria has a special surprise for you including lots of free bonuses and the chance to go in a draw to win a magical meditation retreat with Deepak Chopra at the Chopra Center for Well-being. Scroll down to the end to find out how to claim your free gifts.

6 Tips to Feel Beautiful Today! By Sarah Maria

How many times have you waited for something to change so that you could finally start feeling beautiful?

If you are like most women, the answer is “all the time.”

Here is the problem: most of us tend to live with the delusional belief that we somehow need to change in order to be beautiful. It usually sounds something like:

When I lose this extra weight, then I will be attractive.
If I can just get my abs a little more toned, then I can wear that bikini I love.
I feel so much better after I put on my make-up in the morning.
I looked much sexier before I had these wrinkles.
My hair looks drab and lifeless until I get it colored.

Unfortunately, we think these stories, these lies, that we have been taught are true. We believe that we somehow need to change who we are, how we look, and what we do in order to finally be sexy, attractive, and drop-dead gorgeous.

This is a lie – an erroneous, ubiquitous, and often painful lie. The truth of the matter is that you are inherently, unconditionally, and absolutely beautiful and loveable right now, without changing a single thing.

Fortunately, very fortunately, you can expose these lies and choose to no longer live under their spell.

Ready to get started? Here are 6 simple and sure-fired ways to help you feel beautiful today:

1.Become aware of what you are thinking.

Simply become aware of the stories you are telling yourself so that you are no longer reacting on auto-pilot. Through awareness alone, you can begin to transmute your reality and transform lies into truth. Actively acknowledge that there is no inherent truth in the belief that you need to change something about yourself in order to be attractive. Consider that you can start feeling beautiful immediately, in this moment, without changing a single thing.

2. Set an Intention to See Beauty

Setting an intention is simple: intend to create a different reality for yourself. Here are some examples:
I intend to experience my inherent beauty. Or: I intend to see my beauty and perfection at all times. Or: I intend to know I am inherently beautiful, lovable, and worthwhile.

Do you ever see your reflection in the mirror and grimace at your wrinkles, vowing to purchase the latest anti-wrinkle cream?
Set an intention to find your beauty in your reflection.

Or when you undress, do you ever suck in your stomach, berating yourself for not yet losing those 5 extra pounds?
Set an intention to appreciate the body that you have right now.

Do you ever go shopping for clothes and wish you were a size (or more) smaller?
Set an intention to unconditionally accept your body.

Hopefully you get the idea; set an intention to see yourself through the eyes of beauty.

3. Take a “Meditation Moment”

Meditation is the mental equivalent of brushing your teeth. This means that it is an essential and indispensable daily activity designed to help rest and rejuvenate your body, cleanse your psyche, awaken your spirit, and help you live a life that you love.

Nourish yourself with instant meditation moments throughout the day.
Are you waiting at the bus stop on your way to work? Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to connect within.

Are you making dinner for the family? Take 30 seconds and focus on the sounds, smells, and sensations in your environment, letting them nourish your senses.

Are you in the shower, getting ready to start your day?

Turn your attention to the feeling of warm water cascading against you, gently caressing your body, and allow yourself to relax.

These meditation moments can happen anywhere, anytime – 30 to 60 seconds of closing your eyes and connecting within can make all the difference in the world.

4. Your Body is Your Best Friend

Your human body is your truest ally. Befriend it and it will serve you tirelessly.

Treat it as you would a dear friend:

Feed your body with healthy food, taking the time to give it proper nourishment.

Remember to exercise, and make it enjoyable. If the gym makes you cringe, opt for yoga, Pilates, dance, or good old walking. Anything to get your body moving will do wonders.

Relaxation is key. In our harried and hurried world, it is essential that you remember to relax and rejuvenate.

Instead of critiquing your body for not being enough of this and for being too much of that, offer it gratitude and appreciation for it unwavering support and devotion.

5. Create Meaningful Moments

Every day is filled with countless tasks and errands: going to work, talking with friends, picking up the kids, supporting your significant other, washing dishes, going to the gym, visiting the supermarket, shopping – on and one it goes. Remember that you can imbue each moment with meaning. It can be as simple as smiling at everyone you meet, reacting with compassion and love instead of anger, or making sure to tell your friends and loved ones how much you care about them.

6. You’re Smoking Hot, Inside Out

Remember, you were born beautiful. Believing that you are unattractive is a learned habit. You can unlearn it and discover the Joy, Peace, and Love that are your natural sate and birthright!


So that is it – 6 Simple Steps. 6 simple steps to start feeling beautiful, right now, in this moment. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything to experience the Beauty that you already are. In fact, there is nothing you can do, say, or buy that will make you any more perfect, any more beautiful, or any more desirable than you are in this very moment. Simply know this, and you will revel in your true beauty.


SPECIAL OFFER
If you want to grab your own copy of Sarah Maria’s book Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently head on over to Amazon. Click here to purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. If you buy in the next couple of days you will also get dozens of free bonuses including:

• Escape The Diet Trap ( 70 minute audio to help you quit dieting)



• Why Mars & Venus Collide – audio from Dr. John Gray



• Marci Shimoff’s Happiness Action Plan

Plus dozens of other free reports, meditations, audio downloads and other self-help goodies.

You’ll also be in the draw to win an incredible week at Seduction of Silence, the Chopra Center’s renowned week-long meditation retreat valued at $2,775. How cool is that?

After you purchase from Amazon, go to Sarah Maria’s website, type in your order number and you’ll get instant access to an amazing list of free bonuses.

Love Your Body Quiz

Do you constantly find fault with your body? If you do, then you're one of the 80% of women, and a growing proportion of men who are unhappy with their body.

Today is Love Your Body Day. The National Organization for Women (NOW) Foundation educates women about the dangers of fad diets, poor body image and inappropriate media images.

NOW is also concerned about the growth in cosmetic surgery to enhance appearance. Did you know that the 'toe tuck' is the latest must have surgery, for women who believe they have "ugly" toes or are unable to fit into their Jimmy Choo shoes? NOW encourages women to love their bodies, as they are and embrace their uniqueness.

You can get the facts here or click the heart shaped icon to do a short quiz on body image. Entering an email is optional.

You can also get a free e-book from body image expert, Sarah Maria. Her e-book Overcoming the Lies: Secrets to Creating a Body and a Life that You Love (valued at $37) is designed to help you "break free from the myths that are keeping you trapped
and discover your inherent beauty, brilliance, and strength".

"Guest" Biz Blog Post

I just discovered a terrific business blog, Jobacle.com. In fact, I liked it so much that I applied for a blogger position! Check it out, I think you'll find lots of useful info.

Please read my "guest" spot, too.


4 Life/Work Balance Lessons We Can Learn from TV


As always, thanks for reading,

Nancy L.

Importance of Downtime for Teens this Summer

You can read Nancy's latest post on helping teens with overload and get tips to recognize and prevent your kid’s stress overload and to promote a healthy balance...

Related articles:
Overbooked kids

Clothing Size Maketh The Woman

What’s more important to you - buying clothes that fit you well, or, the label size of those clothes?

You may be surprised to find that in a recent survey by a clothing alteration firm that Australasian customers, and in particular women, would opt not to purchase clothes that fit them well, if the label says it is in a larger size than their usual size. When you consider that most clothes don’t have the size label on the outside, why are we so worried about this invisible measure?

The answer lies in a common body image issue. For many of us our self-esteem is dependent on how our body looks, and how we perceive that our body looks to others. Buying a larger size can lead people to feel dissatisfied with their body, which in turn can lead to emotional eating, yoyo dieting and despondency.

I’m sure a lot of readers can relate to the thrill of finding that they can fit into a smaller size of jeans, and the disappointment when their usual size doesn’t fit. Some people use it as a form of motivation – they intentionally purchase clothing that is too small for them in the hope that this will inspire them to lose weight, but others do it because they can’t bear the thought of purchasing a larger label size.

Canny manufacturers recognising the psychology of clothing sizes often opt for roomy clothes and increasing the measurements to allow people the comfort of purchasing clothes in a smaller label size. This is on top of adjustments that have been made to accommodate the growing girth of the population.

Experts estimate that today’s size clothing in New Zealand is approximately 5cm (2 inches) larger than the same label size 20 years ago.

Two-thirds of customers surveyed by clothing alterations chain LookSmart said they owned clothing in different sizes, and half said sizing variations made them feel frustrated, depressed - or fat.

Mr Hatoum said inconsistent sizing was demoralising to shoppers, many of whom were unwilling to change sizes for emotional reasons.

Hatoum sums it up neatly when he says,

"A size tag is more than a number - it relates to how people see themselves."

So what is the solution? Some in the industry want to see standardised sizing across all apparel manufacturers, but I think the real answer lies in not becoming overly attached to the clothing size label. Scales and clothing sizes are useful measures to help you track your progress toward your goals, but when you get on the rollercoaster of feeling good or bad about yourself depending on the result of those measures, they become self-esteem killers.

If you can learn to be confident and happy with your body and opt to purchase clothes that are comfortable and fit well it will be one less trigger to emotional eating, which can stop people from losing weight and keeping it off.

Skinny Songs Review

I love the idea of combining upbeat music with motivational lyrics to help people make lifestyle changes.

Skinny Songs aims to do just that with a collection of songs that Heidi Roizen put together, writing her own lyrics and collaborating with professional musicians and producers. Describing the songs as empowering, tracks include Objects in the Mirror Will Get Thinner Than They Now Appear, The Incredible Shrinking Women, You da’ Boss, I’m a Hottie Now, You Can’t Buy Thin and Skinny Jeans.

Unfortunately, the songs - which she describes as celebrating commitment, strength, and sex appeal - reinforce all the stereotypes that see people’s self-worth dependent on their jean size or their image in the mirror. I’m realistic enough to know that a lot of people feel better when they lose weight, and I applaud anyone who can come up with new tools to help people break old habits and motivate them to make lasting changes.

However, these lyrics just seemed plain silly. I’m sure they reflect the fears and fantasies of many women and more than a few men, but I’d rather not perpetuate them. Some of the songs are positive, but many have negative messages about being unattractive until you lose weight, and the importance of fitting into “skinny jeans”. I’m not convinced that everyone can realistically aim to be thin or skinny (or even desires to be skinny) nor do I think it's within everyone's means to wander into Saks to grab Gucci and Versace clothes.

At the end of the day, it’s about what works for you. Heidi swears this music helped improve her bottom line to the tune of 30 pounds (13.6 kg).

Here is a selection of lyrics. You can check out all the lyrics and listen to samples of the music at Skinny Songs and make your own decision.

I’m a Hottie Now

I spent years in misery
‘Cause everyone who looked at me
Was thinking evil thoughts about my thighs get back, into you somehow

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

You see I'm a superhero, with powers of epic might
I use wills of steel, at every meal, to control my every bite
And with my xray vision I can see without a doubt
There's a skinny girl inside me, I’ve just got to let her out

She’s the Incredible Shrinking Woman! Incredible Shrinking Woman!
Incredible Shrinking Woman! Incredible Shrinking Woman!

Light Therapy Pros and Cons

The Mayo Clinic has an excellent article on the use of light therapy for treatment of Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder and some sleep disorders. The article includes the benefits and side-effects of using light boxes as well as instructions on using a light box.

The Mayo Clinic makes the point that the effectiveness of using light boxes vary, from being as good or better than medications for some people, while others get little or no benefit. This is possibly due to the large range of light boxes available and the different theories on the appropriate spectrum of light to use and the duration of treatment.

Light boxes can be expensive to purchase, however it is also possible to rent them on a trial basis to see whether they are effective for you. The Apollo GoLite box is a popular model that a lot of people have recommended (I've never used one as I find the winters here are quite mild and I can usually get enough natural light to keep depression at bay). In addition to using the light boxes there are also special light bulbs and desk lamps you can purchase.

Once you have purchased the light box, most models will last a few years, but it pays to check out the replacement at the end of this time. Some will allow you to replace the bulb, other models require you to replace the entire box which can be costly. However, if you don't have insurance the light box can still be cheaper than medications without the stigma or side-effects of anti-depressants.

This doesn't mean that light boxes don't have side-effects, however most people find them tolerable. Some people with bipolar disorder may experience manic episodes, while others may find that the light box affects their skin, or induces headaches or eyestrain but the majority of people that I've spoken to have nothing but praise for their light box.

Overbooked Kids

My therapy practice includes quite a few adolescents, mainly high school students. Lately, I've been amazed at how packed their schedules are. They practically have to pull out a PDA to make an appointment! When I asked one yesterday if things were winding down before the holidayr break, she looked at me like I had two heads. Evidently, the teachers are piling it on.

Of course, I can't be entirely objective about this topic. I'm a mental health professional and the kids I see are usually being treated for anxiety, depression, substance abuse, etc. So I'm looking for any causes for the pathology I'm seeing.

In an article in Psychology Today, The Overbooked Child, psychologist David Elkins talks about the stress and depression he sees in his young patients. After interviewing his patient Kevin (not his real name) and his mother, the mother dismissed the idea that her son was stressed. She maintained that he enjoyed all the activities in which he was scheduled.

"But Kevin wasn't having a good childhood. He was overscheduled and on the brink of clinical depression. When I talked to him on his own, he confided that he missed playing with his friends in the neighborhood. They used to ride bikes, have water-balloon fights and build forts out of cardboard boxes. Now there wasn't time for those activities. 'I really like being in sports and everything,' he said. 'But not all that much.' "

In the book, The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap, authors Alvin Rosenfield, M.D. and Nicole Wise discuss this issue. Rosenfield believes it's the parents who are driving this, "it's how we parent today."

"Parents feel remiss that they're not being good parents if their kids aren't in all kinds of activities. Children are under pressure to achieve, to be competitive. I know sixth-graders who are already working on their resumes so they'll have an edge when they apply for college."

But what continues to surprise me about this phenomenon is that the kids are doing much of this over-scheduling themselves. They are enrolled in AP (Advanced Placement) courses to get a leg up on college, they have a certain number of hours of community service to fulfill for National Honor Society and to look good on college applications. Then there are the extracurricular things like sports, drama, music-related activities, etc. This is all on top of regular school hours and homework. This schedule leaves very little free time or family and friend time.

When I've asked them about their schedules and whether their parents are pushing it, I often here that most of the activities, including enrolling in AP courses, are their choice.

On the Web site FamilyEducation.com, they suggest ways to help your kids work towards a balance in their activities:

Help Your Kids Strike a Balance

• Help your child set priorities.


• Help your child develop a realistic schedule to accommodate family, school, sports, and everything else.


• Find out at the beginning of the season what the coach's expectations are for the team.


• Let the coach know about your child's other commitments.


• Encourage your child to get homework done early in the day.


• Set aside a certain period every day for quiet study.


• Watch for signs of burnout, i.e., falling grades, diminished interest in other activities, and fatigue.


• Work with coaches and school officials to minimize sports interference with academics.


• Be a good role model: set priorities for yourself and stick to them. Point out athletes who maintain good grades.

This last point is critical. If you, as a parent, are so overscheduled yourself that you can't make time to discuss a healthy balance with your kid, that's an indicator of a problem. I'm amazed when I ask parents to schedule an appointment with me to discuss their child. I will often hear an incredulous, "Both of us?!" That always tells me very important information about the family's priorities. And yes, I insist that they both make time to come in.

Nancy L., LISW, LICDC

Coming to the End of "Guest Hosting"

I wanted to mention that today's post is the last in my "guest hosting" stint. I have enjoyed filling in the past month for Talia while she tackles other projects.

Thanks to all of you who have read my posts and especially to those who have taken the time to comment.

I look forward to dropping in occasionally to post on topics of interest to me.

Have a safe, sane and enjoyable holiday season!

Nancy L., LISW, LICDC

Colleges to Notify Parents When Students Violate Alcohol/Drug Rules

Right to privacy vs. duty to inform is a sticky, complicated issue. By law, I must maintain my patients' confidentiality unless they sign a release form indicating I can share information. But what about underage drinking on college campuses? Does the college have a duty to inform parents when a student violates alcohol or drug use policies? Until recently, most universities cited privacy laws - they did not inform parents.

An article in the Wall Street Journal, Colleges Move Boldly on Student Drinking examines a "loop hole" in federal privacy law that is allowing colleges to inform parents when a student violates a campus drinking or drug use policy. The law, Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (Ferpa), was enacted to protect the privacy of student education records. Under the law, students and/or parents must give written permission before their information can be released. The law was enacted in 1974, but according to the WSJ article,

"The college parental-notification policies for alcohol and drug violations utilize an exception added in 1998 to Ferpa that allows schools to call parents if a student gets an alcohol or drug violation and is under 21 years of age. After the law was changed, some colleges created parental-notification policies, while others insisted that contacting parents would go against their goal of nurturing independence in their students."

College drinking and drug-related incidents are staggering. According to the National Insitute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA),

• 1700 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol-related unintentional injuries, including motor vehicle crashes.
• More than 696,000 students between 18 and 24 are assaulted by another student who has been drinking.
• More than 97,000 students between 18 and 24 are victims of alcohol-related sexual assaults or date rape.

The Virginia Tech shootings and other recent campus tragedies have made college administrators less sure of their historic stance of protecting students' privacy. But some parents argue that being notified of alcohol/drug violations inhibits their child from learning to make good choices.

As a substance abuse counselor and mental health therapist, I can certainly see both sides of this issue. But I do know that involving family when a student has an alcohol or drug problem can have a very positive effect.

What do you think? Violation of privacy or safety issue that overrides it?


Nancy L

10 Tips to Kick Holiday Stress-Management into High Gear

Yesterday, as I polished off the remaining 1/4 bag of Maui Onion Kettle Chips (yes, they are as good as they sound!) and became very cranky, I realized I haven't been following my own holiday stress-reduction tips.

Hanukkah began yesterday at sundown. Christmas, Kwanzaa and Boxing Day are three weeks away. The holiday crunch is on us: time for a refresher in slowing it down, regaining our focus and getting re-grounded.

1. Quit trying to find the "perfect" gift. The teenagers in my life are all getting gift cards from a retail store. Teens like those almost as much as money. Your picky mother-in-law won't appreciate the time you took to select her gift - and she still won't like it. So don't stress about it.


2. Avoid high-traffic times if possible. Drivers are terribly distracted this time of year. Add that to inclement weather and you have an accident waiting to happen. Stay out of stores at peak times. I call it "shopping psychosis," that look that comes over people as they block store-aisle traffic with their carts. Stay home and order holiday items and gifts online; you still have time.


3. You do not have to entertain this season. Give yourself permission to NOT have people over for parties, etc. Unless you can afford to cater the event, have a cleaning service and/or it's already in the works - just don't do it. And not worrying about the mess can be very healthy.


4. Watch your breathing. Most of us don't breathe enough normally; we take shallow breaths and deprive ourselves of oxygen. Add stress to that and we can even become light-headed. Sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. Inhale slowly and exhale more slowly. You'll be amazed at how relaxed you will feel!


5. Get enough rest. I have patients tell me that they only sleep 4-5 hours a night. Most research would say they are sleep-deprived. Cut out some TV or computer time at night and get some sleep. And naps are not just for cats. Try one or two...


6. Make sure you have some quiet, alone time scheduled. The social demands of holiday seasons are high. We are required to interact more with family, co-workers, etc. That can be very tiring, especially if socializing causes you anxiety. Factor in some down-time.


7. Watch alcohol and food intake. I am not setting a good example by sharing my potato-chip mini-binge above. Spiked eggnog, wine, drinks and high-fat, high-caloric food abound this time of year. Denying yourself any treats this season isn't necessary. But try to eat healthy foods, too.


8. Plan one fun event just for you. You probably spend much time and effort insuring others are taken care of and entertained this season. Remember to treat yourself - get a manicure, go to a heated driving range, babysit a friend's new puppy or read that new best-seller you've been hoarding.


9. Watch a favorite holiday movie or show. In an earlier post, I mentioned the film Home for the Holidays. It's great if you want to laugh at family dysfunction. But I'm talking about a sentimental favorite. It's corny and dated, but I love Holiday Inn. Bing Crosby singing "White Christmas" does it for me.


10. Get some exercise. Most usual exercise routines get abandoned this time of year. We are full of excuses. But exercise is a terrific stress-buster. Take a walk in the snow with your kids or dogs.

Nancy L., LISW, LICDC

Related posts:
Holiday Stress-Reduction Tips - Listen to the Real Experts
Set Realistic Expectations for the Holidays
Strategies for Surviving the Holidays - H.A.L.T.