The invisible hand around my neck.

No matter how hard I try to pull it off, no matter how much I scratch at it, pull at it, the hand around my neck still tightens. No there's not really a hand around my neck nor is some whacky ghost trying to strangle me, but it certainly feels that way at times. That hand is actually a panic attack and boy are they getting bad. It's a feeling of suffocation or stangulation even though you are breathing. Many know and fear them. I am one of the many.

I had them under control not too long ago. With the help of therapy and medication, the anxiety calmed and I felt like I could breath again. That was only a few months ago, but it feels like another lifetime. With the school year approaching for my girls and all the stress that comes along with it, I find myself with that hand around my neck once more. Stress = anxiety = panic attacks. No matter how you try to switch that equation around, the end is always the same. Well, for me it is.

So, what am I doing to help this? Many things, actually. I hate to rely solely on medication to handle my attacks. I can, if I'm lucky, manage to focus on another task to keep my mind busy which helps to lead me out of an attack. (like being the nut standing in the kitchen at 5am baking bread) But, believe me, there are times that simply isn't possible. There are many times I simply can't focus on anything other than the anxiety which leads to more anxiety. It's a vicious cycle and those of you who suffer along side of me know exactly what I mean. I love to jump in my car and crank up the music to help ease the pain and that works alot of the time. I am very moved by music and can be drawn into a song in the same way I'm drawn into a book. I can actually mentally remove myself by doing this, but that's not always feasible. I'll often curl up with a good book praying it will lead me down another path and into someone else's life it only for a bit. Just long enough to get some relief. And in the end there are times I find myself turning to the medication out of sheer desperation. I don't find a thing wrong with that either. It works. It works every time. Every. Single. Time.

I've resigned myself to the fact that these darn attacks are a way of life for me. I pray my girls don't end up with them, but if they do I will help them find the treatment that works best for them. You see, to me it's all about keeping the door open. I won't say I'll try any treatment or medication, but I also won't shut to door to new ideas either. I'll listen to the pros and cons and weigh my options. Maybe give something new a shot. If it doesn't work for me that's fine. But I won't totally rule it out and I hope the rest of you won't either. You never know what might pop up and give you some relief.

So there ya go, that's my theory on treating anxiety attacks in a nutshell. This is my first post on this blog so I thought it a good way to introduce myself and my issues. :) I'm thrilled to be working with Talia and Nancy. Not only do I find blogging therapeutic, but maybe by listening to my thoughts someone might feel a bit better about what they're going through. It always helps me to know I'm not alone in this fight. To know there are tons of us dealing with this each and every day whether we like it or not. It's clear we don't really want this in our lives, but we have to learn to live with it and I look forward to sharing my feelings/thoughts. And maybe hearing back from others will lead me to a new treatment.

And to all of you in this crazy panic attack stricken world, just remember I'm here right with you. You're not alone.