I hate the memories of 9/11. It plays on my depression and my GAD. I knew some of the firefighters that were killed that awful day. I have friends who lost loved ones there as well. It's awful to head into Lower Manhattan and see a large crater where thousands used to work. It's truly heartbreaking to see what once was a gorgeous skyline forever lost.
And yet, we're heading to New York City tomorrow to celebrate our youngest's birthday. This is a tradition for our family for quite a few years now. My daughter's love the American Girl dolls so that's where we head. To Midtown Manhattan, two blocks from Times Square, to what my girls consider heaven....the almighty American Girls Place. We go into NYC at least once a month so you'd think I'd be ok with it by now. But, I'm not.
I panic when I see the Holland Tunnel because enclosed spaces and I do not get along well. Then I start thinking about how much of a target that tunnel is for terrorists. Then I start thinking about how nearly everything in this city is a target for terrorists or some other tragedy. There's the Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center, many bridges, and OH YES, the very famous Times Square. I could easily just skip going to the city for those reasons and many more I don't want to bore you with. But then I think about my girls and how much they love going. My husband would be extremely disappointed too. He sees Ground Zero as a place to pay our respects to the lost. I see it as pain, sadness, and broken hearts. Which makes my depression start to spin an evil web.
I actually sit with a pillow covering my eyes and holding my breath as we enter the Holland Tunnel. Is this therapeutic and medically endorsed? Probably not, but it works for me at that particular time. I do lean on my anxiety medication to help me through the rest of the day. Usually one will do it. Calming me enough so I can not be the person standing in the middle of Times Square having a full on panic attack and yelling about possible terrorism. LOL No I've never done that, but I've come close a few times. :)
I look forward to heading off tomorrow. I can't wait to see my daughter's faces light up when they see the Statue of Liberty. Which is just before I catch site of the dreaded tunnel. It's their joy and happiness that gets me through along with a little help from my old friend Mr. Xanax.
Have a great weekend everyone! I'll be back to post about how the trip went for me on Tuesday.
I love New York! But...
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Talia & Nancy.
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Have a great trip!!!
ReplyDeleteOne of the ways to overcome your anxiety is to remind yourself of all the times that you have safely travelled through the Holland Tunnel, and all the successful trips you have made to New York. This helps restructure your thinking, so that instead of focusing on what might go wrong, you put it into perspective and realise that you have made multiple trips without incident.
Lamazze-style breathing helps, too.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, I was in a catastophic event and survived.
What Talia Mana said about helping yourself to restucture your thinking makes much sense.